A while back, I spoke via email with a really fantastic adoptive parent.  Reading this man's blog was a really eyeopening experience for me. I had asked to do an expose on his agency back then.  Because I do not want any backlash from anyone, I chose not to do it because of the connections.  I emailed him as to why I could not do it.  He honestly deserved better.  He is a supporter of adoptee rights in this country.  That is why he and his wife chose a fully open adoption.  Yes he and his family are in active contact with his son's birthmother.

WE tv is bring this issue back to the forefront for me.  No matter how much we try to, we can not avoid the connections.  We can not avoid the negativity.  Last year I was blasted by one woman because I had chosen to make a good solid connection with a  progressive adoption agency.  I still hang out on their forum occasionally because the director has links to stories that I sometimes miss.  She does what she can to keep prospective adoptive parents aware of possible corrupt situations. 

How I got connected to Abrazo was through a birthmother who placed through them.  I worked with her at AT&T as a call center representative.  She was an awesome lady.  She was upfront and not ashamed in any way of her placement.  She was a refreshing breath of fresh air for me.  Shortly after that, I got contacted by the director of the agency, Elizabeth, via my blog.  She had told me to keep speaking out for adoptee rights.  I have spoken with many former directors, social workers, and adoption attorneys over the last three and half.  She did not fit the norm in any of these situations.  She has been and always will be a woman that I respect. There was also a woman on the board of directors of this agency that was seeking her daughter.  I ended up helping find her daughter.  I would NOT take any money for it.  As a result, a great deal of miscommunication occurred as a result of them wanting to help out on the protest. The ARD committee members were not only running a protest but also their personal lives.  Our personal lives got in the way and we were not able get all the kinks worked out until Bastard Nation pulled out.  Bastard Nation and a couple of their people proceeded to blast the Adoptee Rights Demonstration.  Of course, one of those same people has chosen to do it again.  I no longer care for her opinion as it is not really a valid one.  It is also an incendiary one. 

Back to Adoption Diaries, I was checking out the agency.   Last year during the AB 372 debacle, I discovered something interesting.  Independent Adoption Center, Holt International and Adopt International were all supporters of Cal Open along with Bastard Nation.  Normally I would not really care because I see nothing wrong with working with progressive agencies.  After last year's issue, it was ironic that it was okay for one organization to do so and not another.  You can read the many discussions over this issue at AntiAdoption.

I was doing a little research as I always do when it comes to agencies.  I checked with Guidestar.org first.  I absolutely do not like the confidentiality issues that inherently come with these happy adoption shows.  They made $3,907,447 according to their 2007 tax return.  I checked out the Executive Director,  Ann Wrixon.  There is not much there.  The key contact person for the show is Jennifer Bliss.  Again there is not much there.  I got to Kathleen Silber which I will get to later.  She made twice as much money as the executive director.  She is only the associate executive director.  Wow.  One wonders why.  One interesting financial note that is worth noting is the counseling fees which amounted to $106,200.  The birthparent expense was only $37,820.  These financials give validity to the complaints listed on Adoption Agency Ratings.  The financial part is real interesting because Abrazo earned a tenth of what this agency made in the same time frame.  The complaints with this agency are few and far between.

I went to Adoption Agency Ratings as well.  There are several complaints.  There are two of them that I will quote here:

We paid the Independent Adoption Center more than $15,000 dollars over the course of a year. After suffering some extremely unprofessional conduct in the San Fransisco office, we called the Indiana Office to complain.

An attendant in the SF office told a birthmother in a match meeting that she should match with us "Because we have a lot of money."

Then after taking our $1,500 match fee the counselor immediately called CPS and had the birthmom's other child removed form her custody. I understand looking out for the welfare of a child, but to take our $1,500 and then TELL the birthmother that her conduct in the match meeting was the grounds for the removal of her daughter was way over the line.

After listening to our complaints, the Indiana Office told us that given how emotional we were about the situation we should probably come out of the book (i.e. stop trying to adopt through the IAC) until we worked through our anger.

I take issue with any adoption agency threatening any person on the adoption plane.  That "working through our anger" thing is something that many adoptive parents are facing now because of asking the questions that we want them to do.   With bigger adoption agencies, they use this as an opportunity to cream the prospective adoptive parents. One of the other commenters also made this commentary as well:

So,... I'm really not sure if this is ethical or not. Actually, I don't blame the IAC for doing this, but wanted to let the community decide.

There was a comment about recent posts being very positive and all coming from the same IP address. I'm not that resourceful to figure out the IP addresses, but was suspicious about the recent all-positive posts.

So, on the IAC forums, I found this ALERT post that generated some very good responses on their forum:

Hello everyone,

It has recently come to our attention that a website (adoptionagencyratings.com) has ranked the IAC as one of the bottom 20 adoption agencies in the United States (though one positive rating has just recently pulled us out of that category). Based on 4 negative ratings, we have been unjustly and inaccurately represented on this particular website that appears to have a substantial public audience.

This being said, it is our hope that our supporters will help us provide a more viable representation of the Independent Adoption Center. If you would like to write a review about your experience with the IAC, please visit:

http://www.adoptionagencyratings.com/

Thank you so much for your time and consideration.

Warm Regards,

The IAC

These two comments alone are enough to send warning bells off in my head along with the financial aspect of the counseling fees and birthmother expenses. One of the more interesting aspects too with researching an adoption agency is its connections.  Independent Adoption Center is also a homestudy agency for Dillon International which is connected to Buckner.  They are a NCFA agency.  That is one loop that is out of the way.  There is couple more of them.

Another great research tool is Pipl.com.  Kathleen Silber is one of the most interesting people at this agency.  She is the author of Dear Birthmother, Thank You for Our Baby.  I do not even want to read that book because as an adoptee, it is way too triggering.  She is also a MSW and a non profit manager.  What is weird is that she is paid double of the pay of the executive director.  She makes $219,603 annually.  Wow.  I realize that she is a specialist in open adoption, an author, and a presenter on open adoption.  It is pretty wow. 

She has also written a book with Patricia Martinez Dorner.  That name should ring a bell.  She is a member of Texas Care. Texas Care helped in creating SB 499 which was a horrible bill for Texas.  Texas Care and Gladney worked together to create that piece of crap.  Gladney again is an NCFA founding member.  Patricia Dorner is also an adoption counselor in the state of Texas.  The state of Texas requires (if you use the state system) that you and your birthmother receive one hour of counseling at a minimum in order to be in contact with each other. So it stands to reason that Pat Dorner profits off the law in Texas.  One key case also needs to be mentioned as well in regards to Patricia Dorner.  She and Methodist Mission Home was sued by John Verburgt for the intentional infliction of emotional distress and negligent interference of familial relationships.  Patricia Dorner also used to work for Lutheran Social Services in San Antonio which is a NCFA agency.  They have a long history as well of violating confidentiality. 

I have known several adoptees and their families that had to wait five years in order to be reconnected in real life.  The adoption agency also has to sign off on this reunion as well.  Personally I do not care for this kind of legislation.  It is well known that I do not care for TXCare either.  If one was to follow the connections here and the logic of another individual, one could assume that Bastard Nation is connected to TXCare but I know better than that.  I know that they can not stand each other.  In fact, the leadership at TXCare is very upset with Bastard Nation and folks such as myself because we tend to foil their plans.

The NCFA connections are a little frightening.  The complaints are just plain scary.  Am I the only one that is dizzy with circles?