I am sorry that I have not kept this blog updated.  I have had very serious issues that require my full attention.  If I allow myself to be distracted for a second, I will be blindsided in another unimaginable manner.  This blog post is about strength.  I am talking about all types of strength, emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual strength.

Most of my readers and friends know that I am in the middle of the a highly contentious divorce.  One would think that this situation involved millions of dollars but sadly it just involves a poor cowboy and his wife.  I am having to think so far outside of the box that it boggles even my mind.  One friend has called it, As the World Turns, Burt Style.  I have even mentioned that there needs to be an ex wives club that is exclusive to my husband alone.  I am wife number five.  I admit that I was not the sharpest tool in the shed when it came to my choice of a life partner.  Like the women before and the woman after me, I believed that I could love away the pain that he has faced.  I can say this much.  There will never be another woman that loved him as much as I did.   He will never have another woman that gave as completely as I did.   With that said, this article is about strength. 

So what do you think is strength?  You can be physically strong in which you can move furniture, lift weights, and other such feats of physical strength.  Mental strength can mean many things as well.  It can mean the mental capacity to figure out a situation whether it be a Math situation, a literature reading assignment, and other things.  For me it means the ability to handle any situation with fortitude.  I have learned that I have that fortitude.  I did not think that I still had it in me.  I guess with all that I have experienced in this lifetime of mine that I have had it for a long time.  Emotional strength is another one.  Everyone knows that I have been put through the ringer.  Spiritual strength is a new concept for me.  I am learning to rely on new resources. 

So many times after a relationship breakup, people seek new ones to replace that one.  It is sometimes called the go between person.  Those relationships never work.  I know because I have dealt with those situations.  I have long learned for myself that it is better to take time to heal emotionally, mentally and spiritually before beginning any new relationship.  I take the time to grieve.  It is not fair to any new individual that comes along to do this because hurt is the only thing that results.    I find myself doing that even more so now.  Although I have male friends, I surround myself with strong and empowering women.  I found one such woman from my church who happens to be my neighbor.  I also have female friends who have helped a great deal too.  I have also learned that both my birth mother and adoptive mother gave me their strength and fortitude.  I would not be where I am at without them.  If I want to pray with someone, I want another woman sitting beside me.  A man's intention with a divorcing woman is not as pure as that of a woman.  Men often view such women in a very manipulative manner.  Its one thing to pray for a woman but praying with a divorcing woman feels odd to me.  Its one thing when it is a  preacher but something completely different with someone else.  I hope you can understand that difference.   I do not want to seek out another relationship.  I want to heal first because the next relationship is someone that I will want to give myself completely to.  I do not want to be mourning a relationship.  As far as I see it, I am involved with my God.  He will love and heal my wounded soul, body and mind.

I have encountered many of the men folk that have watched me grow.  They have also helped me grow.  Fritz who is now the family mechanic because of one of my accidents checked out my father's car for me before I left San Marcos recently.   We covered a great deal of history while he was doing that.  He was surprised to see me.  I met him through an old boyfriend who has long since moved on and I hope he is doing great things.  We even talked about Victor for a moment or two.  I told him what was going on.  I paid our bill with him with a hug.  That was all he said that I owed him.  Fritz was the mechanic who I often called if I had an issue with a car.  I could count on him to explain what to do with awesome detail. 

My second adoptive father who is and will forever be my Daddy is another person who taught me strength.  He pushed me beyond my limitations.  He died seven years ago.  I now have the last car that he drove.  I feel his presence in my car protecting me.  I was rummaging through his remaining things.  I found his golf bags, his golf shoes, and several golf balls.  I also found a certificate of some kind of training in his brief case.  I also discovered a box of tools.  I know that he would want me to have them.  He knows that I will put them to good use.  I also found his old business cards.  I am getting a little teary eyed thinking of him.  He taught me how to change the oil, a tire, and make small repairs on a car.  He taught me perseverance.  I think back on several others.  I can only say humbly, thank you for all that you have done for me.  Even the worst postmaster in USPS history taught me some things.  I know that they are all proud of me.  Heck I am even learning to be proud of what I have done in recent weeks.  I moved back to an area that is openly hostile to me.  It is a situation that will lead to continued humiliation, betrayal, and hurt.  I know that I will rise above it.  I hope to teach my daughters the same lesson.  That is just who I am.  I am lucky in that I am surrounding myself with positive, uplifting, and safe people. 

I have another group of people to thank.  I have thanked my mothers.  I need to openly thank my sisters.  They have helped me in ways that I did not think were possible.  I am trying very hard to pass that lesson onto my daughters.  Sisters have a special bond.  One sister gave my daughters and I her home when I needed it.  My mother let me cry my heart out when I needed it.  One of my sisters took out loans to pay for the things that she bought my daughters.  Another sister did the same thing.  I have what I have because of the love that we share.  I have furnishings because of my mother and sisters gave of themselves.  I will forever be eternally grateful for those things.  I will be forever grateful for what my family has done for me.  My first adoptive father has also helped me out as well.  Because of his advice, I am able to further empower myself.  There are others who need mentioning too but they know who they are. 

Thank you all that have been supportive, loving, kind, and generous to me.  You have no idea what this all means to me.  I am humbled by your gestures.  I thank God above for the blessings that you have given me.  I say a special prayer of thanks for the gifts that you have given me.