Its a new month which promises to be just as rocky as the last couple of months.  I have had my daughters with me for most of last month.  I enjoyed them thoroughly.  I woke up this morning realizing that some of my habits need to go by the wayside.   They worked in my marriage because they helped me get through each day.  I don't need some of those habits any more because I am starting a new life. 

The last year and half has been life changing and earth shattering.  I know that I still have some growing to do.  I am also much much stronger than I was at the beginning of this road.  I never thought in a million years that I would be facing down things that I am facing.   Last night I spoke with a new friend.  She is as strong as I am.  She made a comment that I thought was funny.  Everyone tells us that we need to stay strong.  We would not have made it this far if we weren't.  She is right.  I do credit much of my strength to  God.   I also credit many of my friends.   I am alive today because of God, the friendships with women, my job and my history.   I am talking about adoption, military, work history, as well as other life events.   I am now sure that my ex realizes exactly how strong that I am.

Right now the ex and the girlfriend want to be friends.  I am not ready for that.  I still don't trust.   I hold myself back in order to keep myself protected.   I even have to do it with my children.  I am finally dating someone who is really great.  He has been a real friend.   Now he is turning into something more.  I am blessed to have him in my life.   I have a job now that I really enjoy.   Its a tough job that has allowed me to face fears.   For the longest time,  I had a fear of heights.  I never had it before an accident.  That accident sent shock waves through my entire being.    I did not recover from it until this job.  It did the same thing to my youngest daughter.   She is now making subtle changes in  herself as well.  My oldest daughter is still relying on old techniques to help her through this huge mess.

I have been away from the adoption scene for a while.  I ran across one story about Adam Herrman .  Do you remember him?  He was the boy that ran away at the age of 11 but the adoptive parents were still claiming adoption subsidies on him in Kansas.   They have been hauled into court on theft charges.   They could not get them on anything else because they can not find Adam at all.   Its sad.  They don't know if he is still alive.  They don't know where he is located at if he is still alive.    The atrocities in adoption keep marching forward with no one really stopping them.    This was one story that stuck with me through the last year and half. 

Another story is the young Russian boy who was sent back to Russia by his adoptive parents.  They put him alone on the plane and sent him back because they could not handle his special circumstances.  He is back in the orphanage that they got him from.  So sad.  Nothing ever changes. 

One of the first crusaders of adoptee rights passed away on July 19th.  Annette Baran died of an infection.  Its funny.  My mom recently gave me a copy of that book.  She happen to have it.  Around that time, I was not ready to read it.  I don't know if I am now.  I have left much of adoption alone in recent months but I think that I will in the weeks ahead.  She died right before the third adoptee rights protest too.  Hopefully her spirit was at it guiding many of the legislators.